bath

I went to see my spiritual director this afternoon.
he lives in Bath.
quite a drive but well worth it.

a good time.
lots to reflect on - which makes the drive home pretty handy.

If you don't have a spiritual director you should think about getting one.
If you're not familiar with the idea, it's basically someone to help you think through where you're at with God and where you might be going next.

(they're free too)

got to rush, one of my two bosses is about to arrive for dinner...

profound church

12 of us gathered last night - albeit a slightly different 12 from last week (always good to keep things fluid...)

after food, we spent some time in worship and discussion.

I had asked everyone to bring two objects: one which, in some way, spoke about a struggle, fear, or doubt we were having, and another which spoke about something for which we were thankful, grateful, or which made us glad.
we also had to bring a question relating to faith.
any question at all.

the point of all this was that worship is bringing our whole selves to God and offering ourselves, as we are, to him, in the company of each other, and acknowledging that he is bigger than us, that he is the beginning and the end of everything.
When we come to worship, we can often feel we should be full of joy, but this doesn't acknowledge the often tough realities of life.
Often we're not full of joy - we're struggling with something.
God doesn't expect or ask us to leave these things at the door and to put on some fake joy when we worship.
He asks us to come as we are - struggles and all, and to offer the lot.

So that's what we did.
We brought out our objects, said a brief something about them, and placed them on the table in the centre as an offering of ourselves to God.

Listening to people explain their objects and place them together with others was the most profound, deeply moving thing I can remember doing as a community.
Towards the end of the first set of 'offerings' (representing the difficult stuff) I experienced an almost palpable sense of the presence of God among us - so much so that I almost didn't want to say anything else, but just to sit in silence trying to take it in.

I almost feel like I shouldn't be writing about it - it was too intimate, but I don't want to forget it happened, so this is for posterity...

After the worship drew to a close, we wrestled over a particularly difficult question, and again the honesty and care in the room were so humbling and moving that I'm almost lost for words.
All I can say is that it is an unbelievable privilege to be part of this emerging community - something easily taken for granted.
It's good to remember how rare this is and to be thankful.

A verse from the bible that I used at the end seems worth sharing.
Some wisdom from those who have gone before us, who reassure us that even if things look as black as can be, there is always, always hope because God is faithful:

'We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed;
perplexed, but not driven to despair,
persecuted, but not forsaken;
struck down, but not destroyed...'

(Paul's second letter to the church in Corinth: chapter 4v8-9)

walking

today kicked off with praying-whilst-walking with Joe Knight.
it's over a year now, pretty much every week, with plenty of weeks when I guess both of us would rather not have bothered.
all good though.
good to be aware of what goes on in the city in the early morning and to involve ourselves in whatever God might be doing at that time.

we've discovered an excellent place to have breakfast - a new sandwhich bar near the park that does the most amazing bacon and mushroom rolls...

church this evening.
should be good.

I'm still blasted and full of cold from a hectic weekend - lots of running about and preaching (which I find pretty emotionally draining), and then the feast, which was more work than I think I'd expected.
we were still washing up and unloading etc etc at midnight.

which is not to sound negative, because it was, as I have said already, an amazing night for which I am very grateful.

amazing feast

The first feig feast happened last night.
It was a bit of an experiment but went like a dream.
After a fair bit of organising and setting up, people arrived around 7.30ish to a candle-lit cathedral which we had all to ourselves.
The space takes on an incredible quality at night time and settling down to eat good food together was very special.
It was a cool mix of guys - around 20 of us - some feig-ers, others not, some of faith, others not.
Just before 10pm we headed up the tower to check out views of the city in the moonlight.
Everyone agreed it was a deep time - just hanging out, with music, visuals, lots of food, plenty of wine, and a good vibe.
Looking forward to next month's!

lending...

I've just lent this out: Car Boot Soul (by Nightmares on Wax) and have to say I'm missing it.
what a great album.
old but great.
It's not that I'm wanting it back (Dan) - just saying it's worth a listen.

oh, and also - you may remember a while back I was asking for help building links into the text of my blog posts?
or not...

anyway, people kept sending me comments telling me to look for the 'little chain icon' and I could never find it, and my self-esteem began to plummet and I felt that the world was a darker place etc etc....

ok, that's an exaggeration.

anyway, the problem was my browser.
I was using Safari but now I'm using Firefox and low-and-behold, I get the chain icon and many other useful bits and bobs too.
cool eh?
now I can have links gallore.

Baker blog

nice one Jonny!

really stoked to see that Jonny Baker has read and blogged about The Finding of Adam Tangle. (link here)

cheers dude!

sermonising

So, the cathedral sermon seemed to go OK today -
it was an early start: 7.30am for matins, followed by a short-version of the sermon at the 8am communion and then the whole deal at the 10.15.
I got to preach from the 'big' pulpit (7 steps to get up) in the nave for the first time.
Thank you to various members of feig (and to Joe and Kim and family), and to my folks etc etc for supporting me / not throwing anything.
much appreciated - and a sign of true friendship, given that everything is pretty formal and not the first place that comes to mind in many people's lists of: top-ten-places-I-feel-most-able-to-be-myself.

I can't believe it but I have to preside at the 8am communion again tomorrow.
I'm such a sucker.

But we also have feig feast to look forward to in the evening.

should be very cool.

food and friends in a 900-year-old space is always good.

working hard at your passion or fiddling with your feet?

Found this quote today and I like it:

'Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work.' (Stephen King)

preaching and books and bosses

I met with David, my boss, this morning for our weekly theology / discussion / line-management thing-with-coffee.
all good.
we wrestled over the passage I have to preach on this Sunday.
It's difficult.
(Luke 16 if you're interested)
It's where Jesus tells the parable of the dishonest manager and then talks about the 'age to come'.
Very hard to understand (even harder to generate something worth saying from the cathedral pulpit) and I've spent a good deal of time with my head in my hands thinking that Jesus was too stonking clever by far.
too clever for me anyway...

I'll get there in the end I suppose.

Next I had a meeting with Richard Herkes, who is the commissioning editor at Kingsway / Survivor / Cook and who said 'yes' to God on the Beach a couple of years ago.
We had good discussions about a new project.
very exciting.
top secret. obviously.
I'm getting started (in my spare time) asap though.

I just want to big-up my wife, who is amazing.
On wednesday,whilst I was out at meetings, and leading stuff at the cathedral, and trying to get a sermon sorted etc, she was looking after our kids, whilst being pregnant, and getting the house sorted and ready and a meal cooked for twelve people.
and doing it all well and without any complaints.
it all sounds a bit gender sterotyped - but it's not. cause sometimes we swap roles and you've got to deal with what's going on and share the task out I guess.

something about marriage not being two separate individuals working at two different things, but one unit working at a common aim and sharing various tasks in a healthy way. Loads more to say there so don't quote me - I'm just saying that my respect for my wife is at an all time high.
Would I die for her?

In a second.

Proost resources

I was speaking to Jonny Baker about this at Greenbelt - (you might have noticed the fliers were everywhere...).
Must remember to subscribe - these resources look excellent.
Find out more (here)

disciples??

great to have twelve of us together last night for church in our house.
good food and worship and a cool time of discussion on one of Jesus' more tricky parables.
altogether an excellent evening, and what a fitting number a year into the life of this community of disciples.

we also talked a little about feig feast, happening in the cathedral on Monday (check out the website (here) for more info). It would be great to have you along if you're in the area and up for some company.

52 weeks

this evening is the fifty-second wednesday that feig has met for food, worship and generally being deliberate about growing church from scratch.

exactly a year ago my wife and I shared a meal, prayer and worship with Dan and Ruth and decided to stick at it.
Of course this is just a point in time, and we weren't called feig, and it is really no more significant than other points in the life of this baby church because everyone who is involved makes this thing what it is, but I just thought I'd say because to me it is one of the markers for which I am thankful.

thanks.

Musiclab

This evening Dan compares Musiclab in the victorian cinema at the Guild Hall.
The website says: 'Musiclab is a monthly Open Stage open to all. Fumblingly amateur or famously accomplished, it’s about being creative, performing, sharing ideas and encouraging. We’ll provide the PA and the audience; just bring your ideas and inspiration. Alternatively, come along to watch and be inspired, make new friends, form a band, anything could happen!'

so there you go.
if you're free this evening grab your shaker and get off the sofa...

the understanding is in the doing

I spent quite a bit of time praying yesterday.

recently at feig we've spoken lots about what prayer is and how frustrating it can be.
I guess we're not the only people to find it hard to know where to start, or wonder what's actually going on when we pray.

whenever I struggle with this I always come back to the same place:
Just do it.
I find somewhere quiet, away from distractions, and I start talking - out loud is good because it helps focus my thoughts.

Even if it's a struggle at first, or I doubt what I'm saying, or I'm making lists, or I feel silly, I try and keep on and the longer I stick at it, the more sense it makes.
We know God is listening and that he doesn't really care if we don't quite get it right. At least if we're doing it there is something to work on.
If we're so caught up in doubts and worries about getting it right that we don't pray, then we're going to stay stuck.

For me the understanding is in the doing.

On that note, I'm off to do some more...

facebook friends...

apparently I am now an official 'friend of emergent'.
(thanks to facebook: 'making my life better day by day').
I had no idea there were so many emergent groupies out there...

For me 'emergent' or 'emerging church' is a mindset - a way of articulating the way I already think and behave.
but some others it is something to make sense of - a new movement that might be a threat...
I find that odd.

In my thinking, being 'emergent' is about being open to the best in all Christian traditions, rather than signing up to a single one.

Blah, Blah, bingo

the Blah learning day was excellent.
so, so good in fact.
two excellent speakers with good points made well. lots to think about.
I didn't agree with everything but it was well argued so I liked it anyway.

leader as servant. yes, yes.
leader as host. yes!
leader as everyone? perhaps. maybe we're all leaders in different fields, just depends on what the group is doing.
leader as someone who has wisdom? definitely!

Certainly leaders are important if things are not to get shapeless.

Maggi gave the example in Acts where the early church is all organic and loved up, and that's cool until it got too big.
then leaders had to be appointed (the 7 deacons) to protect what was good and give some shape (like a skeleton) so that life could hang on it.
The problem starts when the skeleton (which is essential) becomes a cage.
I liked that idea.

Blah learning day

I'm heading to London tomorrow for a Blah learning day (on Saturday) on leadership in the emerging church.
The blurb goes like this:

"As money for fully paid staff is an increasing luxury, and as the
church is seemingly in increasing decline, how can we faithfully re-
imagine church leadership and ministry today? And what would an
authentic model of leadership look like today in a society where
suspicion of hierarchy and of institutions is increasing? What does
it mean to be ordained leader and be lay leader? And are these terms
even useful today?

Following on from last years exploration of the reframing of
leadership within the emerging church this day will focus on the
challenges todays culture and the emerging church bring to leadership
in more traditional and established churches.

Maggi Dawn is Chaplain of Robinson College in Cambridge, she has
been involved in the alt.worship world for many years and also speaks
regularly at Greenbelt.

Doug Gay is a lecturer in practical theology at the University of
Glasgow. He was also part of the late, late service, an alternative
worship group based in Glasgow and is ordained in the United Reformed
Church."

So there you go... should be good.
maybe see you there?

Birthday boy.

Happy Birthday Dan!!!

hope you're having a great day.

enjoy Paris.

church...

we met last night, as we do each week, for food (thanks Ruth!) and worship, (thanks Coldplay), and teaching, (thanks Yancey), and discussion.

we looked at Job a bit and talked pretty hard about these three questions (pulled from Yancey's book: 'disappointment with God'):
i) Is God unfair?
ii) Is God silent?
iii) Is God hidden?

it was a helpful time, facing head on the cold reality that sometimes, if we're honest, God seems distant.
No answers, as you'd expect - just an encouraging conversation.

Eventually the talk turned to prayer: what it is, how to do it, why it isn't always answered in the way we expect, why it's difficult etc etc.

This morning Jacob wrote to the group with this, which I found helpful:

"Hey guys,

I really liked the conversation this evening. Thinking and pondering afterwards, I got this thought.

If prayer is a conversation with God,
and if God is wiser than we are,
praying would be adjusting our minds to God,
rather than God answering our demands."

listening to...

loved the film, been enjoying the CD for months...

reading...

'How can the lessons of monastic living be put into practice in our hectic, modern and unmonastic lives?'
So says the blurb on the back of Abbot Christopher Jamison's little book.
The wisdom of St Benedict in a bite-size chunk.
So far, so good...

waste-of-space-book-face-book?

I finally gave in and joined face book this week.
but is it just a massive waste of time?
probably.
I keep getting e-mails now saying things like 'nobby has written on your wall. to read what nobby has written follow this link...'

why can't nobby just e-mail me?
now I have to look at nobby's e-mail and then at my 'wall' to read something like:

'hello, we must meet up soon...'

thanks Nobby!

haven't people got better things to do than write stuff like: 'Nobby is having a coffee today.'

??

I know I sound grumpy. I don't care.
I'm going to give this a trial period and if my happiness / general satisfaction with life don't go up markedly because of my membership of face book, I'm going to...

well, I'm not sure what I'll do but it won't be pretty...

Feig Film

the first Feig Film at Gloucester's Guild Hall took place last night.
We gathered with a goodly number of other punters to watch The Painted Veil, and to discuss it afterwards in the bar.
all very good.
personally I rated the film.
I was absorbed, and easily transported to the surprising beauty of Cholera-infected 1920's rural China where this story of betrayal and redemption was set.
I think anyone who has gone through times of isolation in a relationship would be moved by what goes on between the film's two central characters.

In summary: Great story, well acted, nicely cast, stunningly shot, with plenty of important observations about love and human nature.
From me: 4 out of 5 stars.

ICIN

I've just been reading about the launch of a new charity: ICIN (Iraqi Christians in Need) link: here
Obviously there is a whole pile of need in Iraq, and not just among Christians, but Christians are currently experiencing persecution on top of all the horror and disruption faced by the entire population.
According to ICIN, many Iraqi Christians face death threats if they do not convert to Islam.
ICIN are channelling money to Christian leaders in the country for distribution to the poorest Christians for food, medical care and education that they would otherwise have no access to.
check out the link and see what you think...

Fresh Expressions group

this afternoon sees the re-assembling of the mighty council of Jedi wisdom that is 'Bishop John's Fresh Expressions group'.

(obviously there will be no real Jedi there...
don't know why I said it really)

Anyway - the meeting should be interesting.
I will blog about anything of interest later.

review

Dan Pierce just finished reading my book and posted a review on his blog (here) - you'll have to scroll down a little to get to it - but the things en-route are worth a look too. obviously.
thanks Dan.
appreciate you taking the time to a) read it b) reflect on it.
cheers.

wisdom from Zechariah...

I 'do' the readings at morning prayer in the cathedral on a Monday.
I was struck by parts of today's, from the old testament book of Zechariah.

There was this statement of fact, regarding being involved in God's work:

'Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, says the Lord of hosts...' (4:6)

And this, which spoke to me about not missing the potential in little things:

'...whoever has despised the day of small things shall rejoice...' (4:10)

worth pondering on...

hospitality

Later this month we will be hosting our first 'feast' in the cathedral - basically an after-hours picnic in the cathedral gallery.
Dan wrote this to me today and I liked it, so I'm sticking it here: (hope you don't mind Dan):

"...it will be another good opportunity for feig to connect over an ordinary meal in extraordinary surroundings. I've been reading Henri Nouwen again recently. He talks a lot about exploring hospitality. I happen to think that we're good at this but there is always room for growth. He looks at hospitality in this way:

"as the creation of a free and friendly space where we can reach out to strangers... Although the word 'stranger' suggests someone who belongs to another world than ours... it is important, first of all, to recognise the stranger in our own familiar circle. When we are able to be good hosts for the stranger in our midst we may find also ways to expand our hospitality to broader horizons."

It will certainly be a good opportunity for us to offer hospitality to one another - something that is easily forgotten in the effort to be welcoming to those who might show an interest in travelling with us.
It is also good to do something simple together - like eat and talk - and know that this is enough.
Spending time together in this way is rare and precious and not to be taken for granted (I guess we all know this, which is why we are 'working' at community).
Time in each other's company is a kind of fuel for life - something that can inspire us and spark a desire to live like Christ in the places we spend the rest of our lives.
It sounds cheesy but time together fills us up so that we can be something worthwhile in the world.

another Eucharist

after matins at 7.30am, I was presiding at the 8am Eucharist in the cathedral.
I'm getting into this.
this time it was BCP (Book of Common Prayer for those of you who didn't know - which means old language all the way) and eastward facing.

BCP has a certain beauty - and any service from this book is generally attended by a goodly number of those who are very particular about their worship.

as we all are, obviously...

cafe Rene

a visit from my brother prompted a first trip to cafe Rene on Friday night.
what a great place!
why hasn't anyone told me about this?
great vibe - lots of people - a good mix of students, rugby players, goths, pierced-tattooed dudes, older folks, office types, indie kids, rockers, madmen and a few others.
They have tables outside (lots more than this picture shows), and a guy with dreds doing a Barbeque.
We stayed until very late and had a fantastic evening.
5 stars.
oh yes.
I might even go as far as saying it was a pub worth travelling for.

church

eleven of us met last night for church.
it was a great time.
Daniel arrived with an enormous cooking pot full of hearty food, and then whipped out two gigantic home-baked loaves of bread.

twas fine fayre indeed.

After feasting, we retired to a nicely crowded living room to spend time in worship.
We shared bread and wine and, for the first time, listened to a sermon.
This was imported from outside (ie - someone outside the group had written and delivered it elsewhere).
The sermon led into a decent discussion, during which, it was fairly well chewed up and in places, simply torn to pieces.

I must say it was a great evening, with lots of laughter, a good vibe, healthy discussion, a decent opportunity for worship, and (once again), excellent food!

Council of Reference

yesterday the 'Council of Reference' met for the first session of the autumn term.
The Council is made up of five 'advisers' from whom I can gain wisdom and support.

I am not accountable to them in any direct sense - that's a job for my line manager. Instead, they try to maintain a 'helicopter view' of the evolution of the emerging community, and assist me in thinking through my role as leader.

John Witcombe, the DDO (Diocesan director of ordinands) has taken over from my old boss in the chair.
It was an encouraging and prayerful meeting and good advice was handed round in bucket loads.
all good.
John even came along to church in the evening.

8am Eucharist

On Tuesday I was up nice and early to preside at the cathedral's 8am Eucharist.
this was only the third time I've presided at anything, and I was on my own.

Lots of priests say how much they enjoy presiding - I'm not at that stage yet.
I am totally aware, obviously, that it is a big deal, but I'm still caught in the early days of trying to make sure I get everything in the right order and don't miss crucial bits out.
There's a fair bit of movement, gesture, page-turning, and little parts you need to memorise etc etc.
It seemed to go well - for me anyway.
Usually the bishop presides at the Tuesday Eucharist, so I'd imagine I might have been a bit of a second best for some of the gathered worshippers...

on its way...

just ordered.
en route.
sweet.
all 20 inches of it...

sorry G.

X-box carnage and a pile of poo

those men of feig who were available for war gathered last night in my living room around the box known as X.
a great way to spend the evening - rounded off especially well when, as they were leaving, we noticed that the manhole cover outside my house was rising...
further investigation showed that it was being pushed upward (it is wrought iron) by a surge of human excrement...
nice.
At one stage the cover was perched upon a six inch mass of poo.

The young drain men who came this morning to deal with it didn't look as excited as we had been to discover it.

feig contemplate

On Monday we hosted a day of contemplative prayer in the cathedral.
all good.
lots of people dropping in throughout the day.
it was great to read things written by a couple of children who had passed through with their grandparents - including a very cool picture of Jesus (that I'm thinking of selling on e-bay...)

it was lovely to gather together in the dying light at the end of the day to be silent and to pray.
all rounded off with a climb up the tower and a couple of pints at the Fountain.
brilliant.

dumped

this is on this evening.
the first few minutes seem promising.
a group of volunteers who all think they're off to do something like big brother are stranded on a massive landfill site where they have to survive for three weeks.
cool way of highlighting the whole issue.

contemplative prayer and Flemming blog

Kathryn Flemming has just blogged about our Greenbelt worship here.

worth a read (scroll down to 'emerging matins').

And just a reminder that we are hosting contemplative prayer in the cathedral tomorrow (Monday) between 9am-9pm. See here for more info (click the link to 'current information').

sunday...

after speaking on the radio this morning about Adam Tangle, I had to preside at the 10.15am cathedral eucharist.
this is only the second time I have presided at communion.
I'm not sure how fair this is...
I wonder how many curates have to get up in front of a couple of hundred people wearing a cope and other flowing garments and perform a (fairly) high mass type operation?
it's all good though. I enjoyed it and it's good practice and everyone is very supportive and the cope's not all that bad.
My singing left a bit to be desired though...